Coffee Dates for Weirdos

Ever feel like you’re the only weirdo in town? I’m no expert on modern American culture, but to know me is to be certain I’m an absolute misfit with the mainstream. The Bible is my authority, a wonderful message from God that shows me how to have peace with Him and how I should live. The more I learn about Him and His expectations of me, the more I realize I’m called to obey, no matter the price. I rarely notice my misfit status because I am consumed with Christ and following Him. In that relationship, I find the greatest delights and have no longing to look like the culture around me.

I’m willing to go it alone. However, a friend once said some friendships are just “two weirdos who just happened to find each other.” I’m pretty stoic, but wouldn’t you know I melted at those words? Someone gets me. Maybe only one, but still! She and I do not agree on everything– quite the contrary, actually. But she knows what it’s like to stick out for her beliefs, and, in that, I have found a sister.

So, if you’re willing to be hated for following Christ, let’s get coffee. And, if following Christ makes you willing to divide party lines or reassess denominational doctrines, let’s add another ring to this circus show!

Bring your iron and make sure mine doesn’t get dull! If you want to read along and argue back, please do. Point out things I’m missing. Some of my closest friends do nothing BUT argue with me. In spite of what American culture tells us, we CAN be close friends with those who have very little in common with us.

Let’s plunge into parenting (or marriage, finances, politics, and anything else that comes up along the way). BUT let’s first agree to using the Bible as our authority rather than looking to a cultural norm which could possibly seem “right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 16:25).

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To the Young Man Who Affects My Daughter’s Future Happiness Right Now and Doesn’t Even Know It

I’ve raised two young ladies who love and follow Christ. They try to honor Him in their decisions, which they base upon the teachings found in God’s word, the Bible. They love Christ beyond anything and anyone else, which is confirmed in their obedience. These girls will make the world a better place. And, without a doubt, they will bless the homes of two Christian men.

Odds are, young man, you won’t be the one to marry my daughter, but I have a word for you anyway. You will marry someone’s daughter, and that family might also like you to know these things! So, future son-in-law (to someone), listen up. I’m a woman and do not hold any authority over you, but I do currently hold the heart of my little girl. If you want insight into her heart, I’m the one who has it. These words come to you from the closest heart connection my little girl knows and will know until she ties her heart to yours, a day destined to bless your socks off. Here goes!

My daughter is saving up every bit of love for you. She’s turned down everything else so far, saving her heart for one. She is not out testing waters and trying on men for size. She is not putting herself in situations where she might be swayed into compromising or giving her heart away to one she could not or would not marry. That’s not to say many young men haven’t tried! However, she walks past momentary gratification they offer her now for years of blessings later. She wants you to be blessed! And she wants to BE the one to bless you!

You’re the one she’s waited for, but the waiting hasn’t been easy! In fact, she craves to leave my house and join yours. (One of my daughters craves snorkeling with you. She can’t wait to grab a bathing suit and sunscreen, leave everyone behind, and swim far out into the deepest waters of independence with you.) And that’s how it should be. God designed her to leave me and cleave to you.

We’ve had wonderful years together, but she will leave our home and pledge her faithfulness to you. At that point, you will set the tone and expectations. She has been fully prepared throughout childhood to embrace you as the leader of her new family, so, at that point, she will look to you. Though we’ve invested years of hard work, love, and dedication, you will matter far more. Our work is temporary. Your role will be for as long as you both live. Therefore, naturally, you are very important to me!

Here’s the scary part. I don’t even know you, but your behavior right now affects my daughter’s life. Your behavior now affects her children and a long line of your family tree. You may think you can act like other college kids around you without repercussion. You may think your actions will stay hidden. I’m here to tell you that your choices now WILL either bless or harm your wife for years to come— there’s no in between and there’s no escaping that fact.

Therefore, it matters what’s on your computer. I matters if you check out girls walking by you without enough clothing. It matters if you learn to sneak glances or sneak hand holding with a forbidden girl. It matters what thrills you seek. You are training your young mind on what to value and desire. By the time you get married, you’ll be firmly on one path or the other— one that breathes either life or death into your marriage. If you’ve come to enjoy sneaking, hiding, or pushing boundaries, those desires won’t just automatically change once you’re married. Your mind will be wired to respond the way you’ve trained it all along.  (It’s called self-directed neuroplasticity, which means your neural pathways are actually changed by experiences.)

Don’t think you can repent later and, suddenly, everything will turn out okay. Your letting sin into your life now will bring pain later. You might be willing to risk your own future pain for the sake of pleasure today, but I beg you not to risk the happiness of your future family.

She’s already being faithful to you, so don’t think that you have to choose from among girls who blur lines. I have two living examples of girls who blur nothing. My daughters are not fictional characters in yellowing literature. They are not illusions your mother made up to keep you pure or her reputation in tact. They live and breathe and turn down boys.

You should hear the stories, too. Some will make you crack up at the feistiness that can appear from these sweet-as-pie girls. Other stories will make you want to punch a few men in the face. Alas, these girls are as real as they can be, and you should know they’re fending for themselves just fine as they faithfully wait for you.

I know you’ll have a chance with easy girls. In my town, you can pay for your date’s bargain movie and you’re guaranteed a chance at a lifetime of regret. In fact, the cost of endless remorse is less than $5! This college town will have a slew of girls willing to give you everything they have for the price of that ticket. Just remember my daughter is not free from the consequences of your choices, so I beg you to choose wisely!

Following God’s plan is always best. When both husband and wife enter marriage as virgins, they are solid. One stat I heard on the topic said that only 2% of marriages end in divorce when two virgins marry. If true, those odds are unheard of today from any other demographic— religious, racial, financial, educational, or otherwise! Christians have nearly the same rate of divorce as the world around them, but VIRGIN Christians have a different legacy. It appears almost impossible to PEEL them apart from each other!

I wish I could personally guarantee my daughter’s happiness.  However, in many ways, I have to look to you. I’ve done my part.  Do  yours.  Please be honorable, strong, and upright. Please be a disciple. Please love the Lord with everything!  She believes the best in you.  Live up to it and make some of her dreams come true.

 

**By the way, we all look forward to meeting you! –C